Andie 1: Currently listening to

Arcade Fire. On Pandora, which is quite possibly my favorite tool on the internet. The end.

Dear Anna,

“Sometimes I get so caught up in myself I forget other people even have thoughts, which is something no one should ever, ever be arrogant enough to do.”

Wow, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I identify with this statement. I, too, have spent much of my life disregarding others and failing to so much as entertain the idea that they might have something to say-opinions of their own. In college, I began to realize that this also applies to how I am perceived by my peers. As a result of living in Scottsdale my whole life, I think I must have assumed that everyone knows my story. This could not be further from the truth, obviously. And so here we are, telling each other our separate tales; of the very different (or perhaps very similar) lives we have lived in the time elapsed. Here goes nothing.

Looking back, I can recall some fond memories with you from my childhood. The first that comes to mind I guess is Mighty Mud Mania. (That was you, correct?) I have seen it advertised in recent years and, for some reason, it always reminds me of you and of our carefree days as preschoolers. I had always been a timid child and this whole experience seemed a little intense to me; however, I distinctly remember your seemingly fearless nature, something that put me much at ease even at age three. Again, I apologize if this was not you, but this is just what I remember.

Like you said, this is a lot harder than I had originally thought. Stringing together the bits and pieces of remembrances from the past into a solid memory is nearly impossible. So I will write them in fragments, for now. I do apologize for the unconventional writing style, I just don’t know how else to go about this task. A workshop or guesthouse in your backyard? Your dad’s name is Guy? Having your name listed as my only friend in my mother’s “nanny’s handbook”? It’s all so fuzzy right now, but it comes back little by little. I didn’t want to keep you waiting too long for a response.

In the years following our separation, I was most undoubtedly a brat. I wouldn’t say spoiled, but I guess that’s the first word that comes to mind. After the birth of my younger sister, I reportedly told my mom, “you never have time for me anymore; you only have time for the baby.” Mind you, I was four years old when I said this. I guess that was when our hatred for each other truly began. Growing up, my dad would affectionately refer to my mother as “the comandante,” which I’m sure needs no explanation. I had been a bonafied daddy’s girl since birth, and this in no way changed with age; I hated my mother and knew early on that my dad would always be my protector from her. I guess this could be why, 11 years later, I partially blamed myself for the demise of their marriage. That is beside the point here, of course. That is a topic for another day.

It is interesting to write this. I cannot believe how much has changed since those days; since my youth in general.

A part of me would like to believe that I have managed to hold on to a lot of who I was as a child. I am still shy. I am still goofy. I am still confident (perhaps overly so). I am still apprehensive. And with that, I am still a contradiction—after all, I am human. I don’t think I will ever lose those parts of myself. There are times that I look back and wish I had done some things differently. However, I am a true believer in the idea that we would not be the same without our individual life experiences. I have begun to like who I am today, scars and all.

That being said, I think I will introduce my choice for next week’s topic. Also, I have another idea for how we should go about doing this whole "Q&A" session. Perhaps once a week we should have a topic relating to us personally and then one general topic we both respond to. That way we can alternate who comes up with which? I don't know, it's just a thought. But anyway.. my question is, going along with what I said about life experiences: do you think you would be the same person if you had grown up somewhere else? What people, places, and events do you think have made you into the individual you are today? I guess those are kind of nature VS nurture-ish questions, so they double as a general&personal question. Hope you don't mind.

Allow me to reiterate, I am really, genuinely, sincerely glad we are doing this. Because, in the words of one of my best girl friends, "I really, really need to talk. And I really, really need to listen." I hope you do too.

Best regards,
Andie