Hi, Again. And again.

Andie,

I’m sorry. One thing you will learn about me quickly is that I enjoy grand gestures and leave abandoned projects in my wake, strewn like discarded dolls left hairless in my exuberance. I am also prone to pretentious images – please forgive me for both.

My only excuse is, I guess, was that knowing you so quickly kind of…well, it scared me. You are there, with your full and subtle life, and I asked you so presumptuously to share with me…and you did. That was the scary part. I hadn’t imagined you as a real person, as I should have, and then didn’t, and now can, and will. You are bold and brave in a way I both expected and didn’t.

Let’s try this again, maybe? Shorter entries this time, maybe. Fewer excuses and apologies – I don’t need any from you, and I won’t lapse to have offer any to you. I’ll try to write, as a friend would say, “not like such a damn old lady.” I want to know you, too – I am just flattered and blushing and scared absolutely that you want to know me.

So, in 500 words or less, who are you?

Hesitantly yours,

Anna

P.S. Sorry. Again. I really hope we can try again. This is supposed to be fun. And there's nothing more fun than making a new (old?) friend. :)

Andie 2: Hourglasses&Forget-me-nots

Dear Anna bananaa fee fii fo fanaa,

Yes, I must say that I am emanating maturity right now. Life's too short to not make room for a little silliness, don't you agree? Ha ha :]

I am very sorry that it has taken me so long to respond to your letter--like I said, this past week has been EXTREMELY busy for me. I went to Los Angeles this weekend and spent the greater portion of last week working and getting the apartment situation, situated. Not that you needed an explanation or anything. I just don't like to leave people "hanging."

Backtracking a bit: I, too, was a bit of a "shrew" in high school. Oh man, was I ever! Looking back, I'd say I was that crazy, liberal bitch who sat in the middle of class and enjoyed playing the role of devil's advocate. It's funny to think how much we still have in common, despite us having not seen each other in 15+ years.

Moving on.. There was this charming, friendly young boy whom I met at the tender age of two. He lived three houses down from me and, although you and I were close during our preschool years, I still refer to him as my first (and pretty much only, prior to 5th grade) friend. We rode bikes together, built forts in the desert, and pretended to be secret agents. He was solely responsible for my active imagination and ability to find humor in everyday things. He taught me how to make friends, as I was very shy in my early years (kindergarten-age thru junior high). I'm not sure where/who I'd be without him, as cliche as that sounds.
I don't know if you remember hearing about this, but about six years ago, a 13-year-old boy was killed on a go-ped after being hit by a truck. I'm sure you do remember it, actually, it was a pretty big deal in Scottsdale when we were in middle school. That was him. That was Wade. My neighbor, my best friend. He passed away October of our eighth grade year and, to be completely honest, life went pretty downhill from there.
I discovered my new coping mechanism in my parent's alcohol cabinet (we'll delve into that later) and my ability to organize. I arranged candlelight memorial services; I organized a song dedication at our 8th grade choir performance; I even helped begin designing a mural in his honor. The way I saw it, the more "together" I seemed to everyone around me, the more together I would be. But I was never okay, which became so very apparent in later years.

I don't know if this was what you expected in a post from me about life-changing individuals, but honestly, no one other than Wade comes to mind. I have other incredible friends that I have accumulated throughout the years that have made a similar-if not equal-impact. However, having the pleasure of knowing such a beautiful person (and dealing with the loss) changed who I was more than I could possibly explain. It's hard to fathom..

So, on a similar note, my question to you! I know it is supposed to be general, but it can be taken personally if you prefer. What are your thoughts (if any) on regret? Is it possible to live a fulfilled life if you still have some degree of regret? Or do you think one must release those feelings of regret in order to reach true happiness/enlightenment?

Similarly, a quote related to regret: "Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh." -Henry David Thoreau

Shamelessly yours (lol!),
Andie